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when christina aguilera and nicole ritchie were asked what it was like to give birth at the same time they responded in unison with

“like the ass to ass scene from requiem for a dream. the doctor was just like uncle hank.”

what’s the worst at camp: the food or the lack of bathrooms?
what paris thinks nicole would say: "lack of bathrooms."
what nicole really said: "lack of bathrooms. (the food smelled okay.)"

what’s your one must-have piece of clothing for camp?
what paris thinks nicole would say: "penisullin."
what nicole really said: "tsubi jeans."

c.w.n.: four out of five, not bad, paris!

hilton: nicole can you please tell me what this is about?

ritchie: i’m sorry, is this your only phone call?

hilton: what? no! .. that isn’t even how it works anymore and fyi i’d never use it up on a three-way call for a quiz with you.

ritchie: three way?

hilton: shut up.

• get as much rest as possible and sleep in when you can. getting extra rest will help you stay out of the sleep debt that can cause your symptoms to worsen.

• stay hydrated, but drink most of your liquids during the day and avoid them later in the evening so you can cut down on nighttime bathroom visits.

• combat nausea with crackers or small bland snacks. eat often and in small amounts to prevent getting sick from an empty tummy. keep crackers at your beside for when nausea hits you in bed or in the morning.

• sleep on your left side as much as you can. this is the best position for good circulation. use extra pillows between your knees or under your belly to help keep you more comfortable.

• have a night light in the bathroom so you don’t have to turn on the light and wake yourself fully.
• make sure you try to go to bed at the same time every night. this puts your body on a schedule.

• take naps. if you are tired then go sleep, your body is telling you to do something.

i have sex toys that i've only used once or twice. i can't return them, but i can't bring myself to throw them away. is there a secondhand market?

sincerely,
beverly

"sadly, there is no official sex toy exchange", says ritchie. "many people wouldn't patronize it even if there were. only a few sex toy materials (the most notable being silicone) can be cleaned thoroughly enough to pass on to a stranger. i'd think nothing of accepting a silicone dildo a lover had used, so if you have partners, maybe there's swap potential - but sex toys made of more porous materials (like jelly and vinyl) might best be recycled as doorstops."

nicole ritchie was seen in an airport after delivering a child that is ten pounds heavier than her. sources say that she may have had the baby while on the plane. the proud mother was also seen stuffing her newborn into her backpack after she left the airport property

how could this happen?? we went straight to the source! dr. maggie adams of the baby foundation for medical education and research explains:

"a man and a woman make a baby by holding each other in a special way."