Britney Murphey

advice from britney murphey

dear britney murphey,

i'm in my late 20s and have been single since the clinton administration. i have a job i enjoy where i earn a pretty good living, i volunteer and am involved at my church, i have hobbies both solitary and social, and as far as looks go, i'm not gorgeous but I'm not hideous either. i'd say average is a good description in almost every way. i've been single for years and i hate it.
the loneliness has been getting to me. please help.

average guy,

dear average guy,

why are you asking me? dating as a social construct is meant to achieve the exact opposite of communication. that's the problem with trying to make friends by dating. dating isn't for making friends. dating is for mating, political alliances and property exchange. dating is a dance conceived by the elders of the tribe as a contest. it's about becoming part of the tribe.

there are a million ways of saying this. dating is a highly over-determined ritual, redolent of capitalist class distinctions, etc. the point is that it's not such a good way to make friends. however, if you understand this, you can subvert the dating paradigm by piercing the veil and risking the wrath of the elders. or you can go bowling. that is, you can find some socially horizontal, class-neutral, peer-centered ways of encountering people who are eligible for friendship.

i hope this helps.